As many of you know, my MTC report date was changed to January 9th!
I have been pretty overwhelmed getting everything done the past few weeks from taking finals, moving across country, holiday festivities, and finding things on the ol' packing list!
But I'm very excited and the countdown is at 9 days!!
Here is a copy of my farewell talk I gave at church this past Sunday!
I have been
called to serve an 18-month mission in Los Angeles, California! I have overall
been very excited throughout the process of submitting my papers and getting my
call, but one morning I realized how quickly January 9 was approaching. I
became very overwhelmed with the length of my to-do list. The sacrifice
required to serve a full-time mission finally hit me. As I sat by myself in the
floor of my cold, dark apartment in Provo, Utah, the adversary forced feelings
of inadequacy upon me and I embarrassingly began to panic and cry.
I later read a talk by a latter-day
apostle, Elder Anderson, in which he explained a similar experience to mine. He
said, “Nearly 40 years ago as I contemplated the
challenge of a mission, I felt very inadequate and unprepared. I remember
praying, “Heavenly Father, how can I serve a mission when I know so little?”…As
I prayed, the feeling came: “You don’t know everything, but you know enough!”
That reassurance gave me the courage to take the next step into the mission
field.”
As
I pathetically sat there on the floor, I began to remember why I was going on a
mission in the first place and what in my life had led me to that moment. As I
prayed for comfort from the Holy Ghost, I soon realized I was bearing my
testimony, which is a word we use to describe when we testify of what we know,
what we have experienced, and what we have learned about God. So there I was, tears
running down my face, declaring my testimony to myself and to my Heavenly Father.
It might be a comical image, but in that intimate moment, I felt the familiar and
warm love from my Father in Heaven. The Holy Spirit reassured me that I may not
know everything, but I know enough to take this next step of faith.
Elder Anderson
also said in that talk, “Our spiritual journey is the process of a lifetime. We
do not know everything in the beginning or even along the way. Our conversion
comes step-by-step, line upon line…We then remain steady and patient as we
progress through mortality. At times, the Lord’s answer will be, “You don’t
know everything, but you know enough”—enough to keep the commandments and to do
what is right…Challenges, difficulties, questions, doubts—these are part of our
mortality. But we are not alone as disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ... Fear
and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time. In our days of
difficulty, we choose the road of faith. Jesus said, “Be not afraid, only
believe.”Through the years we take these important spiritual steps over and
over again. We begin to see that “he that receiveth light, and continueth in
God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until
the perfect day.”’
Faith and light filled my soul that day as I bore my testimony,
and the dark fear Satan instilled in me, immediately left. Today I want to
share with you that same simple testimony that is courageously leading me to
the streets of Los Angeles. As I share these things that are personal to me, I
would like you to think of that light Elder Anderson talked about. I want you
to think about me holding a candle, and as I share each principle and each step
to my testimony imagine that light getting brighter and brighter.
It is important to me that you: my family, my friends, and my
ward understand how I have received
this knowledge over the years, line upon line, step-by-step, learning the same
principles over and over again, a little light at a time, and therefore why I am willing to sacrifice 18 months
of my life away from my loved ones, away from my education, away from my trumpet,
away from technology and my movies, and away from life as I know it, all for my
Savior to share what I know to be true with the world.
I know Heavenly Father sent me to a goodly parents who love each
other, but more importantly who love the Lord. They consistently taught me from
planned-out lessons to everyday discussions in the car to their humble examples.
They never forced us to do anything, but they provided daily opportunities for us to learn and to feel the Spirit who
is the greatest teacher of all. Because of my parents, I have that foundation
of the Gospel was given opportunities to let my knowledge and light grow and
grow.
I have come to know that The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints teaches the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ in its fullness.
After Christ and his apostles were killed, the authority to act in God’s name
was taken from the earth. His teachings were scattered and adapted by man. I
know that Jesus Christ chose to restore His authority and gospel in the
latter-days to a humble farm boy who went into a grove of trees to pray to God.
I know that Joseph Smith was and is a prophet of God. As I have read the Book
of Mormon and the Bible and have prayed to know if they are inspired works from
God, I know that they are. I know that we live in the glorious latter-days, in
a time when the fullness of the Gospel will never be taken from the Earth, in a
time of the Priesthood and in the time of a prophet and in the time of an
organized world-wide church. This is a rejoicing time for temple work and
missionary work. This is a time for prayer and personal revelation through the
Spirit of God.
As I have prayed I have come to feel God’s love. I prayed in
that same grove of trees that Joseph Smith did, and I know that God lives. I
prayed in the quiet hours in nature, and I know that God lives. I prayed in the
House of God, a temple on the Earth, and I know that God lives. I prayed as a
young girl outside a tomb in Israel, and I know that God lives.
As a child in Primary I
often sang, “I know my Father lives and loves me too.” I know there is a God. I
honestly don’t think I have ever doubted that at any age. I am a logical person
by nature. As I study science, go on a walk, observe the people around me, play
music, I realize there has to be a
higher power, a God, a creator. There is simply no other reasonable
explanation.
Every Sunday of my youth, I repeated the phrase, “We are
daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us and we love Him.” A common phrase
in our household is “remember who you are”; remember you are a child of God, a
child of Deity. When I was middle-school aged, I remember running to the
bathroom because a boy took his teasing too far. But then, I quickly remembered
who I was. I remember thinking, ‘I am a daughter of God, and whatever this
immature kid says doesn’t have any power over my worth.’
I, like everyone, am divine by nature. As God’s children, we
have the potential to inherit all that our Father has. I understood my divine
nature and individual worth at a young age and that has given me a confidence
and self-esteem that so many of my friends struggle with. I’m not saying I have
a faultless self-esteem by any means, but I know God created me, I know my body
is a temple and that I should treat it with respect, I know God knows me by
name, I know I am one of Heavenly Father’s princesses, I know I am important,
and I know I am loved by Deity. And therefore I know that I should treat all of
those around me as God would, because they are His children too. In a world of
diets, immorality, failure, gossip, comparisons, and negative criticism, we
have to constantly remind ourselves “the worth of souls is great in the sight
of God”.
Because Heavenly Father loves us, His children, He wants us to
return home to Him, so
He devised a plan. After Adam and Eve ‘fell that men might be’, we chose to
come to this Earth to gain a body, to be tried, to be tempted, to experience,
to learn, and to grow. As mortals and sinners, there is no way we can return to
our Father’s perfected presence on our own. Our Heavenly Father so much wants
us to return and be eternally happy with Him that He gave His perfect Son,
Jesus Christ, to mankind. Jesus Christ humbly came to this imperfect world and
suffered more than we can comprehend because of love. Because He loves me, He
unselfishly took upon Him my pains, my trials, my sins, and my shortcomings. We
often use the term atonement to describe Christ’s suffering to reconcile us and
to bring us, the sinners, at one ment with God. This at-one-ment or atonement
has become very real and very personal to me over the years. I would like to
share a couple of those experiences with you:
I was once at a
church camp and a teacher quoted Elder Bateman who said, “For many years I
thought of the Savior’s experience in the Garden and on the cross as places
where a large mass of sin was heaped upon Him. However, my view has changed.
Instead of an impersonal mass of sin, there was a long line of people, as Jesus
felt “our infirmities”, “bore our griefs…carried our sorrows…and was bruised
for our iniquities.” For some reason, the Spirit opened my eyes as I finally began to
understand the atonement and how vitally I needed a Savior. Gethsemane became
so real and so personal. To quote one of my favorite hymns, “I stand all amazed
at the love Jesus offers me, confused at the grace that so fully He proffers
me. I tremble to know that for me He was crucified that for me, a sinner, He
suffered, He bled and died. Oh it is wonderful that He should care for me
enough to die for me. Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me.” As I realized a
small portion of what the Savior did, I know I must be humble. I must be
repentant. I must always be forgiving.
A
few months later, I was having a really rough teenager day. I had felt betrayed
by a close friend and I felt very lonely. I walked in to Church that morning
not a happy camper. I did not feel like singing the opening hymn, but as I did
I knew that it was inspired and picked out just for me. Music obviously is a
very important part of my life. “Jesus, lover of my soul, let me to thy bosom
fly… Hide me, O my Savior, hide, Till the storm of life is past. Safe into the
haven guide…Other refuge have I none; hangs my helpless soul on thee. Leave,
oh, leave me not alone; still support and comfort me…cover my defenseless head
with the shadow of thy wing.” Because our Savior has literally experienced
everything I ever have or will, He is the ultimate comforter and my best
friend.
I
have shared this next story before, but it had such an impact on my testimony,
so I’m going to share it again. I broke my ankle my freshman year of college
and had to ride a knee scooter around campus. On a particularly emotional day,
I was trying to scoot up a very steep icy hill in the pouring snow. I made it
about half way up when I got stuck. I would put my foot down and try to propel
forward, but my foot would slip on the ice and I would roll backwards. I was
stuck and cold and in pain and embarrassed when all of a sudden I heard a voice
in my ear. A guy came up behind me and just said “hold on.” He grabbed my
backpack from behind and pushed me the rest of the way up that horrible hill. I did the best I could but it was
not enough; I was too weak. But he was strong enough to make up for the
difference. As trivial and humiliating as that experience was, I truly felt
that day that Christ was pushing me up that hill. I know we are each given our
own individual trials, the greatest of those being mortality and death, but our
Savior is there unconditionally to strengthen us, to push us through and to
overcome each of those, even physical and spiritual death. All we need to do is
come unto Him and accept Him.
Recently, my
3-year old niece saw the picture of Jesus knocking on the closed door and asked,
“Mommy, why is no one letting Jesus in?!” He is knocking on our doors everyday.
If we understand even in the slightest what He is offering, we would open that
door.
To quote the
Book of Mormon, “Come unto Christ, and be perfected in Him, and deny
yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and
strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be
perfect in Christ (Moroni)”
“And if men come unto me I will show unto them
their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace
is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble
themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become
strong unto them. (Ether)”
I know that
Jesus Christ makes up all the difference. His grace is so
we can all overcome all things. I have recently gained a
testimony that Jesus Christ is there to help us not only to overcome but to
become. President Uchtdorf has said, “I am speaking of becoming the person God,
our Heavenly Father, intended us to be… Our Heavenly Father sees our real
potential. He knows things about us that we do not know ourselves. He prompts
us during our lifetime to fulfill the measure of our creation, to live a good
life, and to return to His presence.” Don’t just be yourself, become yourself.
As I have pondered what that potential to become is, I have realized that Heavenly Father has an individual plan for my life, for
all of our lives. Proverbs says, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and
lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He
shall direct thy paths.” I know through the Spirit that serving a full-time
mission in L.A. is very much a part of Heavenly Father’s path for my life.
Another
one of my favorite songs says, “I feel my Savior’s love…He knows I will
follow Him, give all my life to Him.” I am beginning to hand over my life to my
Savior and to my Father in Heaven, to fulfill their plan for me, and to
gradually become what I can become through Christ. As I do that, my light will
continue to get stronger. “This little light of mine I’m gonna let it shine,
let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.” I may not know everything, but I
know enough to let my light shine. What I do know I’m going to shine it to the
world and to continue to work hard, until that light grows brighter and
brighter until that perfect day, when we have become what our Father has
designed us to become through our Savior.
I pray that you know what I have spoken today
has come from my heart and from the Spirit. I testify it is all true. I love
you and I hope we each pray to know we are children of God, that our Redeemer did
overcome all, even death, He does live and does love us, and through Him we can
overcome Satan and become our potential. I hope we continue to pray to know
that His Gospel is restored to the earth today fully in this Church. I know that as we pray we will get answers
from on High. Light overcomes darkness, and we need more light in this world.
So let us let our “light shine before men that they may see [our] good works
and glorify [our] Father which is in Heaven.”
