October
6, 2012
Today my life has simply
been changed forever.
Ever since I was a little
girl, I have always had the desire to wear a missionary name tag. From siblings
serving missions to having discussions hosted in our home to connecting with
sister missionaries serving in my home ward to boundless missionary
opportunities among my friends, the idea of missionary work always seemed to
surround me. Serving a full-time mission has always been in the back of my mind
as a serious option, but I never strongly felt that Heavenly Father wanted me
to serve. I always seemed to get pressure from my ward or friends to serve a
mission, but I knew I would not serve if I did not feel that it was part of
Heavenly Father’s plan for me. I only
felt a strong desire to prepare to serve and see where things went.
I am the queen of
planning. In the past few years, I’ve probably mapped out 20 different life
plans. When my guy friends left after freshman year of college, my girl friends
and I were envious. If only we could leave at 19 too! We literally have joked
every general conference about how President Monson would stand up and announce
that sisters could join their male friends in the mission field at age 19 if
they wanted.
The desire to serve has
always been consistent, but in the past six months I have come to accept that
if serving a mission in my youth was not part of “the plan”, that was just
fine. I will always have the duty as a member missionary, as a mother
missionary, and as a senior couple missionary. Hopeful ideas for
marriage/family and the trumpet world pushed me away from thoughts of serving a
mission.
The past few months have
been the first time that I’ve really had only one realistic plan for my life,
but I’ve always known that it could change in a moment’s notice according to
promptings of the Spirit.
The past few months have
also been a time of serious reevaluation of my life. There have been an
overwhelming number of tender mercies from the Lord to “become”. I have been
focusing and working on becoming what Heavenly Father knows I have the
potential to become. With more resolve to be better and stronger, I feel like
He has been preparing me.
For the most part,
serving a mission has been on the backburner. This week in preparation for
general conference, I was asked to think of specific questions I wanted
answered from Heavenly Father. With a few girl friends getting their mission
calls this week, my thoughts have been back on the mission field. I thought I
should ask about serving a mission again, just in case. I needed to know for
sure that this was something I was not meant to do. I also was pondering, what
do I need to be doing to become?
Today was one of those
life-changing spiritual promptings. President Monson miraculously announced
that the age of missionary service has been changed for young men to 18 and for
young women to 19. I was so blindsided! This is what my friends and I have
joked about! I was jumping on my couch with tears running down my face. How
exciting! Then it hit me. I could start my mission papers…tomorrow! My mind
started flooding. I was overwhelmed with joy and the Spirit.
My usual concerns about
timing, marriage, career, and trumpet that usually accompanied my thoughts when
I considered serving a mission are simply not here. It will all work out
perfectly, I just know it. The words “Go…Go…Go.” just kept popping in my head
accompanied by one of the most comforting feelings of the Spirit. I felt the
same way I did when I visited the Sacred Grove or when my friend was baptized---I
could feel His love in every part of my soul.
President Uchtdorf ended
the session by giving a fantastic talk on becoming - simply another tender
mercy. I cannot describe how I feel. I feel as if each talk was given for me. I
feel as if this announcement was given for me, as if I am the only person in
the world that matters to Heavenly Father. Obviously, I’m not that selfish and
that simply is not truth. But Heavenly Father loves me. I am His daughter. He
has a specific plan for me. He wants to guide my life if I let Him. He has
purposes for each of us in our lives. He wants me to become my potential. How
in the world His individual plans for me perfectly line up with His plans for
the entire world is beyond my comprehension.
My desire to serve a
mission has finally coincided with timing, the Lord’s timing. I have no
feelings of fear, only peace.
But I don’t want to get
ahead of myself. I’m sitting at the temple grounds writing down my thoughts. I
have a heart full of prayer. I’ve asked my parents to join me in a fast tomorrow
on what I should do. I’m
going to the temple on Tuesday. I’ve read my patriarchal blessing. I’m going to
immerse myself in the scriptures. I’m meeting with my bishop as soon as I can.
If I do decide to serve,
it will be because of promptings not because of an announcement. I know there
will be many jokes and criticisms of that, but Brittany reminded me, “who cares
what people say!”
I’ve always pondered what
my patriarchal blessing meant when it said, “During your education and
throughout your life, may you be willing to change your plans, should occasion
arise, for greater responsibilities or opportunities as the Spirit may direct
or confirm. “ Pretty sure I now know.
I truly believe that
everything in my life has been building up to and preparing me for this point,
to this day, to this change. I am willing to submit to the will of the Lord. I
want to serve Him in the ways He wants me and needs me to. I love Him. I love
His children. This Church holds His restored Gospel. It is true!
I pray for confirmation
of my decision in the next few weeks. I know that Satan will fill my mind with
doubts, but I pray for the Spirit of discernment. I pray that I may be
comforted, and that my family and friends will be comforted in this as well.
I’m simply so excited!
October 7, 2012
I woke up just…happy.
I’m fasting for
confirmation and for confidence in my decisions that lie ahead. Tristan, by no
coincidence I’m sure, was flown to Utah for a BYU/SA thing. He drove down to
Provo to watch the morning session with me. He stopped by an hour early to
talk. I knew Brittany would have told him about our conversation yesterday, so
I knew I needed to talk to him about everything. I did and it was great.
I’ve decided to take the
first step forward. I need to act. This is a great thing, and Heavenly Father
will stop me if it’s not right for me. I’m coming up with a study schedule, I’m
scheduling my doctor’s appointments first thing in the morning, and I’m meeting
with my bishop next Sunday. As of now, I plan to have my papers submitted
within two weeks.
“Do you love me more than all of this?”… “Yea
Lord, I love thee.”… “Then leave all of this and GO and teach and testify.”
–Elder Holland at Conference today.
Later---
Well I talked to Mom and Dad, and then I simply
100% knew. I’M GOING ON A MISSION!!! I’m so excited! Like Dad and Brittany told
me, it will be one of the most, if not the most, difficult things I will ever
do, but I know that it will be the most rewarding. I’m so grateful for
supportive parents, family, and friends. I pray for humble preparation and a
heart full of faith and strength!
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