My Testimony and Farewell Talk

As many of you know, my MTC report date was changed to January 9th! 

I have been pretty overwhelmed getting everything done the past few weeks from taking finals, moving across country, holiday festivities, and finding things on the ol' packing list! 

But I'm very excited and the countdown is at 9 days!!

Here is a copy of my farewell talk I gave at church this past Sunday!

        

           I have been called to serve an 18-month mission in Los Angeles, California! I have overall been very excited throughout the process of submitting my papers and getting my call, but one morning I realized how quickly January 9 was approaching. I became very overwhelmed with the length of my to-do list. The sacrifice required to serve a full-time mission finally hit me. As I sat by myself in the floor of my cold, dark apartment in Provo, Utah, the adversary forced feelings of inadequacy upon me and I embarrassingly began to panic and cry.

I later read a talk by a latter-day apostle, Elder Anderson, in which he explained a similar experience to mine. He said, “Nearly 40 years ago as I contemplated the challenge of a mission, I felt very inadequate and unprepared. I remember praying, “Heavenly Father, how can I serve a mission when I know so little?”…As I prayed, the feeling came: “You don’t know everything, but you know enough!” That reassurance gave me the courage to take the next step into the mission field.”

         As I pathetically sat there on the floor, I began to remember why I was going on a mission in the first place and what in my life had led me to that moment. As I prayed for comfort from the Holy Ghost, I soon realized I was bearing my testimony, which is a word we use to describe when we testify of what we know, what we have experienced, and what we have learned about God. So there I was, tears running down my face, declaring my testimony to myself and to my Heavenly Father. It might be a comical image, but in that intimate moment, I felt the familiar and warm love from my Father in Heaven. The Holy Spirit reassured me that I may not know everything, but I know enough to take this next step of faith.

         Elder Anderson also said in that talk, “Our spiritual journey is the process of a lifetime. We do not know everything in the beginning or even along the way. Our conversion comes step-by-step, line upon line…We then remain steady and patient as we progress through mortality. At times, the Lord’s answer will be, “You don’t know everything, but you know enough”—enough to keep the commandments and to do what is right…Challenges, difficulties, questions, doubts—these are part of our mortality. But we are not alone as disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ... Fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time. In our days of difficulty, we choose the road of faith. Jesus said, “Be not afraid, only believe.”Through the years we take these important spiritual steps over and over again. We begin to see that “he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.”^’

Faith and light filled my soul that day as I bore my testimony, and the dark fear Satan instilled in me, immediately left. Today I want to share with you that same simple testimony that is courageously leading me to the streets of Los Angeles. As I share these things that are personal to me, I would like you to think of that light Elder Anderson talked about. I want you to think about me holding a candle, and as I share each principle and each step to my testimony imagine that light getting brighter and brighter.

It is important to me that you: my family, my friends, and my ward understand how I have received this knowledge over the years, line upon line, step-by-step, learning the same principles over and over again, a little light at a time, and therefore why I am willing to sacrifice 18 months of my life away from my loved ones, away from my education, away from my trumpet, away from technology and my movies, and away from life as I know it, all for my Savior to share what I know to be true with the world.

I know Heavenly Father sent me to a goodly parents who love each other, but more importantly who love the Lord. They consistently taught me from planned-out lessons to everyday discussions in the car to their humble examples. They never forced us to do anything, but they provided daily opportunities for us to learn and to feel the Spirit who is the greatest teacher of all. Because of my parents, I have that foundation of the Gospel was given opportunities to let my knowledge and light grow and grow.

I have come to know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ in its fullness. After Christ and his apostles were killed, the authority to act in God’s name was taken from the earth. His teachings were scattered and adapted by man. I know that Jesus Christ chose to restore His authority and gospel in the latter-days to a humble farm boy who went into a grove of trees to pray to God. I know that Joseph Smith was and is a prophet of God. As I have read the Book of Mormon and the Bible and have prayed to know if they are inspired works from God, I know that they are. I know that we live in the glorious latter-days, in a time when the fullness of the Gospel will never be taken from the Earth, in a time of the Priesthood and in the time of a prophet and in the time of an organized world-wide church. This is a rejoicing time for temple work and missionary work. This is a time for prayer and personal revelation through the Spirit of God.

As I have prayed I have come to feel God’s love. I prayed in that same grove of trees that Joseph Smith did, and I know that God lives. I prayed in the quiet hours in nature, and I know that God lives. I prayed in the House of God, a temple on the Earth, and I know that God lives. I prayed as a young girl outside a tomb in Israel, and I know that God lives.

 As a child in Primary I often sang, “I know my Father lives and loves me too.” I know there is a God. I honestly don’t think I have ever doubted that at any age. I am a logical person by nature. As I study science, go on a walk, observe the people around me, play music, I realize there has to be a higher power, a God, a creator. There is simply no other reasonable explanation.

Every Sunday of my youth, I repeated the phrase, “We are daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us and we love Him.” A common phrase in our household is “remember who you are”; remember you are a child of God, a child of Deity. When I was middle-school aged, I remember running to the bathroom because a boy took his teasing too far. But then, I quickly remembered who I was. I remember thinking, ‘I am a daughter of God, and whatever this immature kid says doesn’t have any power over my worth.’

I, like everyone, am divine by nature. As God’s children, we have the potential to inherit all that our Father has. I understood my divine nature and individual worth at a young age and that has given me a confidence and self-esteem that so many of my friends struggle with. I’m not saying I have a faultless self-esteem by any means, but I know God created me, I know my body is a temple and that I should treat it with respect, I know God knows me by name, I know I am one of Heavenly Father’s princesses, I know I am important, and I know I am loved by Deity. And therefore I know that I should treat all of those around me as God would, because they are His children too. In a world of diets, immorality, failure, gossip, comparisons, and negative criticism, we have to constantly remind ourselves “the worth of souls is great in the sight of God”.

Because Heavenly Father loves us, His children, He wants us to return home to Him, so He devised a plan. After Adam and Eve ‘fell that men might be’, we chose to come to this Earth to gain a body, to be tried, to be tempted, to experience, to learn, and to grow. As mortals and sinners, there is no way we can return to our Father’s perfected presence on our own. Our Heavenly Father so much wants us to return and be eternally happy with Him that He gave His perfect Son, Jesus Christ, to mankind. Jesus Christ humbly came to this imperfect world and suffered more than we can comprehend because of love. Because He loves me, He unselfishly took upon Him my pains, my trials, my sins, and my shortcomings. We often use the term atonement to describe Christ’s suffering to reconcile us and to bring us, the sinners, at one ment with God. This at-one-ment or atonement has become very real and very personal to me over the years. I would like to share a couple of those experiences with you:

         I was once at a church camp and a teacher quoted Elder Bateman who said, “For many years I thought of the Savior’s experience in the Garden and on the cross as places where a large mass of sin was heaped upon Him. However, my view has changed. Instead of an impersonal mass of sin, there was a long line of people, as Jesus felt “our infirmities”, “bore our griefs…carried our sorrows…and was bruised for our iniquities.” For some reason, the Spirit opened my eyes as I finally began to understand the atonement and how vitally I needed a Savior. Gethsemane became so real and so personal. To quote one of my favorite hymns, “I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me, confused at the grace that so fully He proffers me. I tremble to know that for me He was crucified that for me, a sinner, He suffered, He bled and died. Oh it is wonderful that He should care for me enough to die for me. Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me.” As I realized a small portion of what the Savior did, I know I must be humble. I must be repentant. I must always be forgiving.

       A few months later, I was having a really rough teenager day. I had felt betrayed by a close friend and I felt very lonely. I walked in to Church that morning not a happy camper. I did not feel like singing the opening hymn, but as I did I knew that it was inspired and picked out just for me. Music obviously is a very important part of my life. “Jesus, lover of my soul, let me to thy bosom fly… Hide me, O my Savior, hide, Till the storm of life is past. Safe into the haven guide…Other refuge have I none; hangs my helpless soul on thee. Leave, oh, leave me not alone; still support and comfort me…cover my defenseless head with the shadow of thy wing.” Because our Savior has literally experienced everything I ever have or will, He is the ultimate comforter and my best friend.    

       I have shared this next story before, but it had such an impact on my testimony, so I’m going to share it again. I broke my ankle my freshman year of college and had to ride a knee scooter around campus. On a particularly emotional day, I was trying to scoot up a very steep icy hill in the pouring snow. I made it about half way up when I got stuck. I would put my foot down and try to propel forward, but my foot would slip on the ice and I would roll backwards. I was stuck and cold and in pain and embarrassed when all of a sudden I heard a voice in my ear. A guy came up behind me and just said “hold on.” He grabbed my backpack from behind and pushed me the rest of the way up that horrible hill. I did the best I could but it was not enough; I was too weak. But he was strong enough to make up for the difference. As trivial and humiliating as that experience was, I truly felt that day that Christ was pushing me up that hill. I know we are each given our own individual trials, the greatest of those being mortality and death, but our Savior is there unconditionally to strengthen us, to push us through and to overcome each of those, even physical and spiritual death. All we need to do is come unto Him and accept Him.

       Recently, my 3-year old niece saw the picture of Jesus knocking on the closed door and asked, “Mommy, why is no one letting Jesus in?!” He is knocking on our doors everyday. If we understand even in the slightest what He is offering, we would open that door.

       To quote the Book of Mormon, “Come unto Christ, and be perfected in Him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ (Moroni)”

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. (Ether)”

       I know that Jesus Christ makes up all the difference. His grace is so we can all overcome all things. I have recently gained a testimony that Jesus Christ is there to help us not only to overcome but to become. President Uchtdorf has said, “I am speaking of becoming the person God, our Heavenly Father, intended us to be… Our Heavenly Father sees our real potential. He knows things about us that we do not know ourselves. He prompts us during our lifetime to fulfill the measure of our creation, to live a good life, and to return to His presence.” Don’t just be yourself, become yourself. As I have pondered what that potential to become is, I have realized that Heavenly Father has an individual plan for my life, for all of our lives. Proverbs says, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” I know through the Spirit that serving a full-time mission in L.A. is very much a part of Heavenly Father’s path for my life.

       Another one of my favorite songs says, “I feel my Savior’s love…He knows I will follow Him, give all my life to Him.” I am beginning to hand over my life to my Savior and to my Father in Heaven, to fulfill their plan for me, and to gradually become what I can become through Christ. As I do that, my light will continue to get stronger. “This little light of mine I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.” I may not know everything, but I know enough to let my light shine. What I do know I’m going to shine it to the world and to continue to work hard, until that light grows brighter and brighter until that perfect day, when we have become what our Father has designed us to become through our Savior.

I pray that you know what I have spoken today has come from my heart and from the Spirit. I testify it is all true. I love you and I hope we each pray to know we are children of God, that our Redeemer did overcome all, even death, He does live and does love us, and through Him we can overcome Satan and become our potential. I hope we continue to pray to know that His Gospel is restored to the earth today fully in this Church. I know that as we pray we will get answers from on High. Light overcomes darkness, and we need more light in this world. So let us let our “light shine before men that they may see [our] good works and glorify [our] Father which is in Heaven.”