Just to let all of you know in advance - her arrival at Yeager
Airport is scheduled for 9:50pm on Wednesday night, June 11th. ALL are invited
to welcome her home if you wish. We will not have all of our family
there because they all won't be here until June 20th. But you are considered
family to us and I know she would be thrilled to see a welcoming party! AND also
to let you know in advance, we will be having a welcome home gathering
and one of our annual live concerts on the lawn combination at our house (rain
or shine),Saturday June 21st at 6:00pm. AND one more thing - she will
be speaking in church, 9:00am Sunday morning, June 22nd. We
would love to all of you there! Call if you have any questions! Thanks in
advance for 8 more days of prayers and support! Love, Dawn
Hello hello hello!
I have done pretty well so far at keeping my emotions together, so I refuse
to talk about how many days I have left to destroy that composure. :) (I really
am still in denial, haha)
But since everyone has asked about my stress or emotional level, I would
say I'm feeling what I'm supposed to be feeling---one hot mess. Just kidding,
I'm actually doing really well. I'm overall super grateful and full of awe that
God lets me be here. But I'm often paralyzed in thought (never in lessons or on
the street...just in my bed or in the car, haha). My mind is constantly racing
of this and that. On exchanges this week in a YSA ward, we went to a member's
home and I saw a friend from BYU. Can God stop reminding me that I'm going home?
#theworst
But one redeeming thing is that I feel like I get to have all my people
back at the same time (at least virtually)---west virginia people, utah people,
my LA people...so that keeps me comforted. (How in the world did anyone handled
returning from a mission without facebook is beyond me).
This week was such a good week! ELDER M. RUSSELL BALLARD, AN APOSTLE AND
SPECIAL WITNESS OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, CAME TO OUR MISSION YESTERDAY. It was
such a sacred few hours. President commented afterwards that Elder Ballard spoke
to us as if we were old friends. I could feel that love. When he testified of
the Savior and of Joseph Smith's first vision and of the Book of Mormon, the
Spirit completely enveloped me. He was speaking pure truth.
He told some stories of his own where as a mission president or missionary
he would ask the person to ask God "are we true messengers from God?" As he said
that over and over, the spirit made me ask, "Am I a true messenger from God?"
There a few moments on my mission that I realize how special the calling of a
missionary is. It just all hit me yesterday. We rode back with some other
sisters, one of which is my good friend who is also going home this transfer. I
asked her how it felt to hear Elder Ballard talk about the future of the
California Los Angeles Mission and realize we wouldn't be here. She summed it up
perfectly when she said "It stung". But sometimes God just calls us to something
different. Onward, ever onward.
One thing he and the member of the 70 [another general authority of the
church] that came with him talked about was the Savior's parable of the lost
sheep. Our purpose as missionaries (well and everyones for that matter) is to
invite others and help them to come unto Christ through faith, repentance,
baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end. How great
is our calling!!!!! We get to invite and help the lost lamb return home. When we
are baptized we covenant to take upon ourselves the name of Jesus Christ and
always represent Him. That's what we do as missionaries. Christ's name is
literally written on my chest all day, everyday. We must be committed to that
lost sheep. We must have a deep and invested love as we try to help them home.
If it requires going in to the thickets and helping them on to our shoulders and
carrying them miles back to the little flock, then we must do that. Last night,
I sat across from an investigator that I have worked with for several months. I
can tell you that some days I have thrown her on to my shoulders and had to go
get her from spiritual thickets plenty of times, haha. But she. was. different.
yesterday. She was glowing. She is getting baptized soon. She is a different
person. The atonement is working inside of her and God let me be apart of it. I
just sat and stared at her in awe. Moments like that are what this work is all
about.
Our investigators are doing really well. Like this area is going to EXPLODE
next transfer and I am so excited for it. One of our investigators I was so sure
would get baptized this weekend before I left, but she smoked a cigarette this
week, so we had to move it (just need to make sure you're off of it before you
promise God when you're baptized that you'll never smoke again).Sister Black and
I were sad of course that we would have to move her baptism. Then I realized I
wouldn't be here for it. Then Sister Black asked me how I felt. I felt an
overwhelming sense of peace. It took all I had to say, "You know sister,
experiences my whole mission have prepared me for a moment like this."
What I mean by that is my whole mission I have struggled with a roller
coaster of thoughts of "Am I baptizing enough?" "Am I giving my all?" "Is the
Lord pleased?" "Am I satisfied with what I did in this area?" "Am I enough?"
etc. etc. etc. That moment was a test to see if I really have learned deep in my
heart what was important. Did Satan attack me in that weak moment? As always.
But I really felt stronger than him. I probably am not explaining that well, but
it was a special moment for me.
So I thought I better try to convey in this email my thoughts that I have
learned, and I mean it all in the humblest way possible.
Now, do not get me wrong. Numbers are very very very important to me. They
have helped me grow, pushed me to what I didn't know was possible, built my
faith, and been the means of many miracles of my mission. However, I think
looking back on my mission I can say I am just as satisfied in my transfers of
"lower numbers" with my transfers of "higher numbers". Sure there might be some
few differences between the two types of transfers that I had some control over,
but pretty much overall my work ethic, faith, and desires have been consistent
with what I was capable of the time. Of course I can look back on a day or an
investigator or a transfer and say "What was I thinking. I would never do that
now. There is something way more effective. Why didn't you help them this way!
etc." But at the time I did what I could/thought was best and knew how to do.
Every night I kneel down at my bed and pray and hand over my day to the Lord. I
pray that He will forgive me for my weaknesses and my mistakes and help me be
better tomorrow.
Elder Ballard (yes the same one I got to shake hands with yesterday
#nobigdeal), asks a question to missionaries on one of the Preach My Gospel
training dvds. He says something to the effect of "If the Lord came to your area
and asked you 'How are you taking care of this part of my vineyard that I have
trusted you with?' would you feel comfortable handing him your area book?" I
really do think I could give my Savior any of my planners, ward lists, area
books, etc. and say "Here Lord. I'm so sorry for all my mistakes, but I really
have tried so hard." And I really do think I would feel fulfilled. I feel His
love and gratitude often (I am praying so hard that I'll be able to feel it
these next two weeks especially). Some people might look at my mission and say
"Wow you had lots of baptisms" or some might say "Whoa you didn't have very many
baptisms". But the thing is, if we are trying to do things the Lord's way, they
aren't my numbers at all---they are His.
If there has been one recurring theme of my mission it is this: This is the
Lord's work, not mine. These are His people, not mine. It has had absolutely
nothing to do with me. Sure I helped and sure there are many people that I felt
a very special and predestined connection with, but it was God the entire time.
It was His work when we had rejections and it was His work when we had success.
Either way, He patiently let me participate because He knew how these
experiences would change me. I would never be bitter or disappointed in some of
the harder times of my mission, because I am just so grateful that God has let
me witness any of it in the first place. We must still have deep faith and high
expectations. This is the time of the hastening of His work. Big things are
going on. I came here to give my all to Him, and I certainly have tried hard to
do that. It's a good thing, I have PLENTY of time left on my mission to still
give Him all I got ;).
Not sure if any of that made sense. Thank you ALL so much for your endless
love, support, and prayers. It has made all the difference. Make it a good
week!!
No comments:
Post a Comment