Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change He faithful will remain. Be still my soul.

January 6, 2014

Hi everyone!

There is so much to say and not a lot of time. I have been thinking about and praying about what I am going to say in this email for days and still haven't found anything eloquent enough to say. So this will be all over the place, but bear with me.

Last Monday, when I got mom's email that grandma was in the hospital, I honestly thought she was going to be fine, just like she had pulled through multiple times before. But after I left emailing, Grandma was consistently in my thoughts which really concerned me. I'm usually really good about pushing people and things from home out of my thoughts if I need to, but Grandma was in my thoughts all week, so I knew something wasn't right. On Thursday, I got my mail. I got a Christmas card from Grandma. I was shocked to get something from her. It was very telling of her personality and is now one of my my most prized possessions--- "This is all I could do this year so Merry Christmas Ali. -Grandma" with $5 in it. As soon as I opened it I started to cry as I got a distinct impression that Grandma wouldn't make it until I come home this summer. A few hours later is when my mission president called. "Sister Atkinson, can I speak with you in private?" I knew. I started to cry. "President, is this about my grandma?" He reverently told me she passed away peacefully on Thursday. I talked with him for a few minutes through the sobs of course, pulled myself together and went contacting. We had our regular interviews with him on Saturday, so we talked more about it then. When Grandma Atkinson passed away, I felt impressed to tell lots of people and testify about the plan of salvation. For whatever reason, I have only felt so far to talk about it with my companion and President. But I still have noticed that same difference in my testifying.

I am overwhelmed by the emails and love I can feel from you all. This email session really has been overwhelming with peace and love. Please tell Jennifer I was really touched that she insisted my picture was displayed at the service. My companion, Sister Rackliff asked me about my family and she prays for James (since he was so close to Grandma) almost every prayer. Thank you so much to everyone. I am just so so so grateful for my family. I am especially grateful that my niece little McKinley Emma came this week as well!!!! You all are just in my thoughts and prayers so much.

On Saturday I wore my 50s style dress that reminds me of grandma and ate plenty of apple butter in honor of her. Mom sent me her talk from Grandma's funeral and I loved it. It reminded me so much of Grandma. It sounded like the service was so sweet and so perfect. Especially when John-Mark led the congregation in an enthusiastic closing song!! I'm sure she and Grandpa were joining in. She really is an incredible person. When I think of her I will always think of hard work and true love. I was thinking about how many qualities I have from her--we all know that's where my sassiness and height come from. I thought about the blankets she's made, the parties she's hosted, the shotguns she's shot to get the cats and pigeons out of her yard, how many deer she's fed, how much genealogy she's done, and when she came to my 1940s themed birthday party or one of my middle school volleyball games. I thought of every single one of my cousins and family members that adore her. I thought about her strength as a widow or attitude when a NASCAR race was on. I thought about cookouts and Christmas Eve or yelling at a doctor when I took her to an appointment. I thought about her stories and love for heritage. She simply loved West Virginia and she loved family and she loved us. She is an incredible human and I think we will all work so hard to keep that legacy.

When Grandma Atkinson passed away, immediately peace came. Thursday night when I learned about Grandma Gibson's passing that peace didn't come at first. I prayed for it all weekend. And then Sunday came. I love church. Every testimony or lesson was about temples, families, or the plan of salvation. The closing song in Relief Society was Families Can Be Together Forever. It was very touching for me.

 

I'm sorry about this email. It's all over the place but here is what the spirit has told me in the past 48 hours---
Grandma is no longer in physical pain. She is with Grandpa. I know how much she loved him. And how much she trusts him. I know how happy it will be for my Mom to be sealed to her parents in the temple in a year. I know how good my grandma is--pure goodness. I have studied a lot about hope this week and it is one of my favorite words. Sister Rackleff said something to me this Thursday night that has stuck with me "Your grandma is your Heavenly Father's daughter. He will do everything he possibly can to make her happy." I know that's true. I know she is being taken care of so well on the other side of the veil.  I know how glorious and eternal the priesthood power is in the temple. It's real and it's restored. I know it. I know that I was sent to a very specific family and very noble heritage. In a special blessing I have, it talks about my heritage. It says that all of those ancestors who have preceded me (which now includes all of my grandparents and many others) are very aware of my life and the decisions I make. I need to do my part to make my reunion with them glorious. And you better believe I will do my best. I think of them often and I feel very close to them, especially on a mission. I have prayed for angels this week to be with me and with you all and I can promise you they're there. And they're real. God is taking care of me and I know that He is taking care of you. I know that I need to be here. People need to know that they can be with their families forever---so I know Grandma would want me here too. I have been sad, but I have felt an incredible amount of strength. We have seen a TON of miracles this week and we have worked really hard. I am very happy. I am out of time, so I'm really sorry that I won't send the usual update home. I'll send it next week.

Sorry this is all over the place, but know how much I love you and pray for you. I know this gospel is true and is the only reason that I would be away from home right now. Before I left I made for Mom a little sign thing that says something like "missionaries leave their families for a short time, so others can be with theirs for eternity." It's worth it. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!
Make it a great week :)
Stay tuned for the adventures of Santa Monica in next week's email.

Love,

Sister Atkinson